Life. life is good. life is great, Life is fantastic. Brilliant wonderful and terrific. where’s the ball? the black ball, the black solid rubber ball? Under the couch? brilliant, let me just snuffle about a bit down there. I can smell…I can smell something good down here. What is it? My nasal passages aren’t as developed as that suppurating old bitch they call Rug, but I can smell something…now wait a minute. I know what this is. But the last time it was different, the last time it was kind of…cold and hard. Basically the same though. This is…furrier. Kind of white stuff around it, but there’s…I know! Last time they said it was called a Brussel sprout! Never had it before but it was absolutely delicious! Almost as good as those potato stalks I dug up from the garden. They were totally brilliant and delicious. And gave me this fuzzy feeling, as if I was going to fall over. And falling over is brilliant. Brilliantly brilliant. Wow, I heard those humans talking about red balls, green Brussel sprouts, cabbages, purple, blue, whatever. Colours, they say, colours but I only see in black and white. And that’s brilliant! Morality, choices, one thing or the rather. Politics! Numbers, Binary choices!
Tell you what’s even better than Brussel sprouts, and I have to admit that one under the sofa was a wee bit squelchy. Carrots. I’ve got this black rubber things, they push a carrot inside it and I have to get the carrot out. How stunning is that. Brilliant brilliant brilliant brilliant brilliant! Now I’ve go to find that Swiss dog, the big Swiss, the St Bernard Dog, Rug, snooty, thinks I’m stupid. Thinks I just want to have sex with her and that I’m stupid because I had my testicles cut off by Victoria the Vet. But she’s wrong. They are invisible testicles. How good is that? That’s brilliant!