Tuesday, August 04, 2020

Shopping (A Trotskyist's Ascent to the House of Lords)

A Trotskyist ascends to the House of Lords

Clothes you throw away and never clean
Queuing up at Primark
No need for a washing machine
In Edinburgh it’s Primarque
And then it’s off to Lidl or Aldi Or Liddell  
We former Trotskyists need retail therapy as well

Shopping - It will heal the nation
Shopping - Our economy's salvation
Shopping - These days I’m never bored
Now I’m in the House of Lords I can afford to go shopping 

I got two for one deals
In Tesco just the other day
On Gordon’s, Beefeater, Bombay Sapphire and Tanqueray
I know my lack  of discrimination's chronic
But gin all tastes the same when you add tonic

Shopping...Send the children back to school today
Shopping - Those teachers have had enough holidays
Shopping - It’s really revolutionary
to be in the aristocracy and go shopping

In the RCP we had such fun
We never really would’ve fired those guns
The camps we planned were not for everyone
You need have no fear. I’ll be a very nice peer

Shopping - that’s what I recommend for you
Shopping  - It’s what the best ex communists do
Shopping - that Marxist dialectic
Made life a bit too hectic. Now I’m going shopping

Even Lev Davidovitch
Would've scratched that itch 
And got rich
He’d have loved Selfridges...

Copyright Tom Morton 2020

Sunday, August 02, 2020

The Beatcroft Social 1 August 2020

Via 60 North Radio from Shetland, with Tom Morton, Clive Munro, Davie Gardner and Drew Ratter

Click here for link to Mixcloud stream.

The Staves            I’m on Fire
Bruce Springsteen        Radio Nowhere
Sinead O’Connor              Take Me to Church
Bob Dylan        I Contain Multitudes
Tom Robinson Band        Up against the Wall
The Clash             White Riot
Blue Nile                 Because of Toledo  
King Creosote        Bootprints
Sandy Posey           Are You Never Coming Home?
Sticks McGhee        My Baby’s Gone
The TourĂ©-Rachel Collective          Alla
Gerry Rafferty     Can I have My Money Back?    
JJ Cale          Cocaine
Alasdair Roberts                As I Came in by Huntly Town
Rhiannon Giddens            Better Get It Right the First Time
Natalie Merchant         After the Goldrush
Roxy Music          Like a Hurricane
Gillian Welch           Pocahontas
Admiral Fallow        Isn’t this World enough
Gary Clark            Let’s Make a Family
Frazey Ford          September Fields
Bap Kennedy         Fireworks
Will Kimbrough      I’m Not running Away
Bill Kirchen            Flip Flop
Commander Cody and the Lost Planet airmen        Mama Hated Diesels
Toby Keith              Rum is the Reason
Foy Vance              Upbeat Feel Good

Monday, July 27, 2020

Russia Today (My Own Show)

I love Russia, the Russians are cool
My best friends call me the Moscow Mule
I don't like vodka, it makes me sicklyA
Unless i drink it  very quickly
Have you ever seen their  marvellous dolls?
They're either  far away or they're extremely small

Russia! Dearest Russia, how I hold you dear!
I love you just as much as I love North Korea
And if all else fails I know I'll be OK
I'll have my own show on Russia Today

Oh, Russia, You're not my mother
But you would be, If I had another
Her name was Mary, I just wanted to please her
She came from Scotland, without a visa
She used to say that I was bound for hell
I found it in the Moscow Ritz Carlton Hotel

I've a Faberge egg my friend Vladimir gave
There's more to that company than aftershave
Voldemort  said it would be a pity
To end up  in Salisbury or Mexico City
I remember what Trotsky's girlfriend said
Life's better without an icepick in your head

And if all else fails I'll know where to go
I can do the traffic
On Sputnik Radio

Copyright Tom Morton, 2020

Note: That's a Selmer "222", a cheap starter guitar made in Britain under the Selmer name which cost 11 guineas in 1966, when mum and dad bought me it for my 11th birthday. It's been through a lot in 54 years. And still stays roughly in tune.

Thursday, July 23, 2020

Person Woman Man Camera TV

At school they used to call me Mr Memory 
Person woman man camera TV
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with me
Person woman man camera TV

I hate journalists I hate the press 
They’re the ones whose lies got us into this mess
We’d all be fine except for that 5G
Chinese phones destroying our immunity
And we’re going to stop testing because if we don’t know
How many have got it, that’ll keep the figures low


Now forget for the moment about this disease
I’m having fun with my secret police
The only good protester’s one that’s been teargassed
Just shows how useless are those stupid masks 
I’m not just clever I’m sexy too
Lord Vladimir told me so it must be true


Tuesday, July 14, 2020

Four Seasons In One Day (Considering a Move to Shetland)

I wore a mask in Glasgow, and nobody said thanks
Just stood and stared like I was going to rob a bank 
I tried to get tested, nobody wanted to know
I remembered the nice nurses on that Island Medics show

I got on my Goldwing and drove to Aberdeen
Boarded the ferry, everything was nice and clean
I thought I’d be in Shetland soon and things would be all right
Then they told me it was fourteen hours and we’d sail overnight

Islands in the sun 
Islands in the rain
Islands in the snow
Still 23 hours to go
Don’t ask me why
It’s snowing in July 
Apparently it’s always been this way
Four seasons in one day

The voyage was so rough I was amazed we stayed afloat
They had to call a doctor just to get me off the boat
I rode to see some cliffs and then a seagull hit my head
If I hadn’t worn my helmet then I’m sure that I’d be dead

A killer whale attacked me as I walked along the beach
And ate a baby seal as  I scrambled out of reach
I had mutton soup and bannocks, drank 12 red tins of beer
And instantly decided I would like to move up here

Now I’m a Shetland crofter and I can’t believe my luck
I wear a Dickies boiler suit, I drive a pick up truck
I smoke the stuff I grow myself, I love to count my sheep
I’ve met a girl called Bo who says her second name is Peep

Copyright Tom Morton 2020. All rights reserved. Social media sharing encouraged.