Sunday, November 29, 2020

Lament for Diaper Don

He mutters to himself

He’s so unhappy

And then he soils himself

They change his nappy 

And that’s a job which is

Really crappy

Get a clean one on!

Diaper Don

Disposable thank God, 

Not Terry towelling

Sometimes there is a need 

For careful trowelling

Don’t find yourself downwind

Or you’ll be howling

In the environs

Of Diaper Don

For him golf is the sport

Passion arouses

He shouldn’t wear those creamy 

Golfing trousers

They have to keep spares at

The halfway houses

He’s a phenomenon 

That Diaper Don

He can’t put a pair

Of big boy pants on

Better avoid the chair

He’s been sat on

Thing is he doesn’t care

Who he has shat on

He’ll soon be gone

He’s Diaper Don

Friday, November 20, 2020

There for You (The Corona Christmas Song)

There for You (The Corona Christmas song)

I’m working all through Christmas 

It’s just another day to me

Take off your masks have a little hug

Decorate your Norwegian tree

Kissing underneath the mistletoe

Sharing out the Christmas cake

I’ll be right there with you

In every single breath you take

The reindeer are OK Santa’s on his way

Don’t worry it’ll be all right

Chestnuts on the fire, carols from the choir

There’s something in the air tonight

Together as a family

I’m so glad you welcomed me 

To gather with you too

I’m here for you

There’s a service in the church

You really need to sing

I wouldn’t worry all that much

About social distancing

After all it’s just a day or two

It’s been a tough old year

Breathe easy, hold each other close

There’s nothing to fear

Merry Christmas, do not despair 

I’ll be with you in intensive care

Copyright Tom Morton 2020

Tuesday, November 17, 2020

Vaccine Hesitation Zombie Lizard Implantation Blues

Vaccine Hesitation Zombie Lizard Blues
Don’t want to be infected
Don’t want to be injected
Don’t want these little robots inside my head
They’re trying to change my DNA
So I’ll do whatever they say
It’s just like the Night of the Living Dead
Read it in a magazine
If they make us take the vaccine
We’ll be flesh eating heroes
In a film by George Romero
Zombies, with exploding heads
Like in Shaun of the Dead
Don’t let them jag you in the arm
They’re trying to do us harm
Evil lizards will grow eggs inside our brains
And soon we’ll all sprout and scales and tails
Claws instead of fingernails
They’ll turn us into shoes and handbags we’ll live in sewers and drains
Saw it on the internet
Worse things can happen yet
Condemned to be skinned to make some cowboy’s boots
Or kept in a tank like Ken Livingstone’s newts
Lizards, with nothing to do
But watch Eastenders, maybe River City too
Don’t want no MMR or BCG
I believe in homeopathic remedies
I’m organic and vegan and gluten free
No dairy since 1973
Getting healthier every single day
Since the social workers took the kids away
But then they’re all Zombies
Or Lizards
Copyright Tom Morton 2020
(And for the record, I have taken and will take all vaccines offered, as and when...)

Sunday, November 08, 2020

Four Seasons (Total) Landscaping

 Four Seasons Landscaping

(Play the song on Soundcloud here)

We gather here today my friends

In this glorious location

To proclaim the battle will not end

For the soul of our proud nation

Four Seasons Landscaping

Listen to these three words of grace

True Victory contemplated!

Donald would join us in this place

If he hadn’t been sedated

Four Seasons Landscaping

Autumn, winter, spring and summer

For the USA we’ll fight

Join us! Dumb and getting Dumber

We’ll landscape every day and night!

The future’s bright

At Four Seasons Landscaping 

Sunday, November 01, 2020

The Beatcroft Social, Halloween, 2020


Lucia and the Best Boys            Perfectly Untrue

Lord Stornoway and David Shrigley             Don’t Worry

Richard Hawley         Ballad of a Thin Man

Chantal Chamberlain         Don’t Explain

Wedding Present             Brassneck

David Bowie              Scary Monsters and Super Creeps

Dave Davies            Death of a Clown

Stephen Stills          Old Times, Good Times

Traffic              Empty Pages

Cat Stevens      Father and Son

Diesel Park West      While the World Cries Decency

Beatles                I’m Looking through you

Crosby Stills Nash and Young                 Ohio

Joe Cocker            Feelin’ Alright

Rotifer            Canvey island

Ryan Adams       Oh My Sweet Carolina

Frankie Miller      Little Angel

Van Morrison      Bright Side of the road

Mudcrutch              Orphan of the Storm

Sinead O’connor        Take me to church

Tom Waits                   Downtown Train

Stranglers                    96 Tears

Steve Earle                I Feel Alright

Jerry Jeff Walker               Mr Bojangles