More trouble at sea...

It was a brutal old day yesterday (Sunday), with 80mph winds and enormous seas crashing onto the Zetlandics. With an offshore wind, the top of the cliffs at Eshaness was no place to venture from the car, or even stay for long. A Citroen C4 was probably safe enough, but I wouldn't like to have been there in a 2CV...

By the time the Hrossey was on her way north from Orkney, early this morning, things had moderated quite a bit. So it was a surprise when news began filtering through of a major car-deck incident at 6.00am. Turns out a sand trailer which had been loaded in Orkney had tumbled over, crushing five cars. Nobody was hurt.

Sea conditions at the time were described as 'moderate'. This comes less than a week after two men were injured after the same ferry rolled unexpectedly and in January the Hrossey and the Hjaltland were both damaged by heavy seas.

The 180-odd-mile trip from Aberdeen to Shetland, twice a week via Orkney, is the longest ferry trip in UK waters and one of the most exposed. Still, NorthLink, operators of the route, is not having its troubles to seek.

Nobody is suggesting the two vessels used on the route are unsafe, but there seems little doubt now that they are less than ideal for purpose. They're flat-bottomed luxury skips that, by general consensus, cannot cope with the kind of weather regularly dealt with by the veteran ex-Baltic boats used by former operators P&O.

NorthLink are easy to deal with and onboard service is good. But this is not just a tourist route. It's a lifeline commercial service. We deserve better.

Diary done, now to rant about Red Riding and credulous TV critics

Right, that's the Sunday Herald Diary (aka Tom Morton's Week) off to the subs and I can concentrate on writing for free...

Last night's first film in the adaptation of David Peace's Red Riding books, has been hailed by foaming-mouthed TV critics as brilliant beyond belief. These people are clearly wrong. What's more, they didn't watch it last night, infected with ad breaks and in its proper broadcast time frame. They watched it on DVD, possibly weeks ago, or saw a preview in a theatre, feted with press packs, drinks and little snacky things. And possibly t-shirts.

They are also, it would seem, people who have never watched the original Get Carter (I think I've seen it five times, but it might be seven), and who seem to think Life on Mars was just about the cars and the tunes. Or read David Peace's books. Or seen Our Friends in the North.

Peace's books are dense, dark, somewhat dodgy affairs, hanging fictional and political extrapolations on real events. Tokyo Year Zero, his latest, is particularly opaque.

The TV adapation of Red Riding/1974 was self-important, set-designed to within an inch of its life, vacuously scripted and directed for visual impact rather than narrative sense. The acting was uniformly great, especially Sean Bean. Though I kept wondering what sometime Radio One DJ Sarah Cox was doing in it (actually Rebecca Hall). Property development is the key plot motif in both Our Friends in the North and Get Carter, and the similarities went beyond 'tribute'. Red Riding/74 was teeth-gnashingly derivative.

Shamelessly, I will now cut and paste from one of my Facebook comments:

The director loved his set design, didn't he? (Takes deep breath...) WHY do all 'historic' dramas decorate interiors ONLY from the exact time they're set in? Our house in the 70s had stuff from the 50s, 60s AND 70s. Interestingly, they got that right with the cars (though the Jensen - should have been an FF - was too new and the Ford Pops too ... Read moreold) The Viva HC was nice but not as cool as the glorious coke-bottle HB would have been But they tried to make architecture and interiors into characters. That hunting/Red Riding Hood wallpaper!

On the money Malcolm: the seventies weren't CGI brown, not even in Yorkshire. And some of the acting was brilliant - Sean Bean especially. Interesting to see Warren Clarke and David Morrissey in the background, warming up.

David Peace is a difficult, some (I) would say overrated writer, and squeezing his books into ITV segment was always going to be difficult.

Anyway. I will of course watch the next film, directed not by 1974's Julian Jarrold, but Oscar winner (for Man on Wire) James Marsh. That's the one based on the Yorkshire Ripper case. But if these gullible critics think this stuff is good, they should take a gander at Dexter, The Wire ( of course), and, to see what can be done with this kind of material by a really ruthless, non-arty big-time director (with perfect northern English credentials) Tony Scott's merciless Man on Fire (not Wire).

Not to mention the best ever British TV conspiracy thriller series, the still-stunning Edge of Darkness.

Which, by the way, is being remade for the movies by the original director, Martin Campbell, starring Mel Gibson and with a script by William Monahan, who brilliantly adapted The Departed. from the wonderful Honk Kong trilogy Infernal Affairs.

People are saying it won't match the original. Can I just say that I have a feeling it will be absolutely, stonkingly brilliant, with Gibson at his Payback/Year of Living Dangerously best? I sure do hope so. Underestimate Columcille Gerard Gibson at your peril.

Blogging for free or writing for money...

It's been weird this week. I'm doing the Sunday Herald diary, as Alan Taylor's stand-in (have been for almost seven years) but the format has been changed, and now it's a 'My Week' (but not 'My Weekly') kind of thing, a day by day dissection of life chez Morton, and the wider world from my perspective. With added ranting.

Like this blog, in fact.

So I've found myself writing stuff in a wee notebook for future reference rather than punting it straight to the interwibble. It concentrates the mind wonderfully, the prospect of getting paid more for one article than I have earned, in total, from seven years of blogging.

Newspapers may be the Dead Tree Gazettes in this great digital age, and hacks may be hanging up their shorthand notes left, right and indeed centre, but at least journalism does offer money for words. I still don't see how I can make cash form this. Those Google Ads have made me the princely sum of 100 US dollars. In seven years.

It's a faecal matter, baby: why I hate chickens and reluctantly like Monty Halls' Great Escape

I am kind to our chickens. Or hens, as Monty Halls was sternly informed "we call them up here" during last night's Escape To River Cottage (North) Only With a Marine Commando And His Demented Dog on the telly. Alas, our hens do not repay that kindness. Failing to lay eggs and, despite being fed twice a day, shitting on top of the Citroen C4. Motoring critics in another life? The Citroen's OK but it is, alas, beginning to show signs of deterioration you wouldn't expect in a year-old car.

The Monty Halls (not the US quiz show host) series on BBC1 has changed its name at the last minute (Escape to Beachcomber Cottage was, ahem, just a little too similar to the Great Huge Faintly Etonian Whittingstall Person's Empire of Food. Though clearly Monty can barely cook). The idea is that Monty H becomes a crofter for a year (eight months, in fact) Various questions were begged by last night's episode: How the HELL did he do what thousands of others are constantly trying to in the Highlands, ie get hold of a ruined cottage in an idyllic spot and do it up? I know people who've been trying for decades to do just that. How the HELL did he get planning permission? How much did that RIB cost? (Anything between seven and 12 grand, I'd guess). And will that horrible dog be shot by one of his neighbours before the show ends? It wouldn't last five minutes in Shetland. How much slimy horrible bacon was cooked in last night's programme? Does he know how to make anything else? And how the HELL did they achieve such spectacularly lovely weather?

Having said all that, I really enjoyed it, and from what I can gather, the Applecross locals liked having Monty about for eight months (NOT the depths of winter, I note). He's a natural TV presence, is Mr Halls (though not the pooch). However, pieces to camera of the "it's great to be alone at last" variety just provoke cynical laughter these days: YEAH, APART FROM THE CAMERA CREW!

Great Sunday night downsizing-porn for the urban masses, without a doubt. But when I watched that Planwell roofing going on, all I could think was: get some insulation in. Some storage heaters. A Morso stove. You're going to need it...and in a couple of months, the midges and the ticks will eat you alive...

Meanwhile, back to the chickenshit. Oh, and the answer to my various questions (see above) is, without doubt, loads of money. It's made by Tigress, one of the giants in nature TV.

Except for the weather. Apparently that's something to do with the entire crew converting to Free Presbyterianism.

Springsteen and U2 for Hampden...Neil Young for Aberdeen, CSN for Embra...Cooder, AC/DC...squeeze those ageing rock fans until the pips squeak!

According to Norrie (cheers!) and The Sunday Mail (Billy Sloan) Springsteen is to play Hampden on July 14th. Which means a potential expenditure for the dedicated live music fan of, oh, lots. Because you could very possibly go to Ry Cooder/Nick Lowe/Flaco Jimenez (9/10 July)T in the Park (10/11/12 July) and then Springsteen the same week. Looks like £47.50/£55 for the Boss tickets. And then there's U2, just announced for August, and Coldplay/Jay Z. AC/DC. And Neil Young at the AECC. Good grief.

There's clearly been a bit of shoogling of dates to make sure clashes are kept to a minimum, but really, can anyone afford these levels of ticket price? One special gig, maybe, but in a row?

Stones tickets in 1973 for the Apollo, were, if I mind correctly, around two and a half quid, the same as an LP. When CDs were brought in during the 1980s, we were outraged at the cost - around three times a vinyl album and maybe double the cost of a gig. Now a CD is priced at an eighth of a stadium ticket. A stadium, where you'll face the elements, the awful toilets, rubbish sound and possibly a terrible view.

House concerts: the way ahead...