Shetland Truck culture

Once this addiction starts

I cannot stop

I need an Ifor Williams top

Though never will a sheep or dog,

Woman or child 

Scratch my tailgate

I hate the thought 

Of grubby paws, or bags of Tesco shopping

Scarring the luscious Mitsubishi sheen.

I've been there. I had a HiLux once,

A crew cab, with roll-bar, shotgun rack

Springsteen, Steve Earle and Daniel O'Donnel tracks

Red tins of beer

It ended in tears:

A wife, a collie, trips sooth to IKEA

Talk of baby seats and daft ideas

Concerning Citröens, Peugeots, or worse

A Vauxhall Zafira

I did not hear her

For I was gone, long gone

Working offshore in Venezuala 

My relationship a failure

But I saved sufficient cash

For a Barbarian, with leather seats

The sound so sweet

Of its diesel engine in my ears

Crankshaft and gasket failure fears

Assuaged (That was in the early L200 years)

And so I drive from North Roe down to Sumburgh

And back, in only clement weather

I'll wash her with the finest chamois leather

And in the heated garage

Stroke her gently

She's better than a Bentley

Or Nissan, or Toyota

Not one iota of regret

Do I feel

This love is real

I count my blessings and my luck

In finding you, my one true pick-up truck

My L200

My precious! Do not fear

I'll never over-rev you in third gear

(And, when launching a boat into the sea,

I promise not to reverse you down 

Door-deep, until your footwells are awash

With salty water

Which, long ago, I did.

Warned many times, I just refused to listen

However, that truck was leased, and besides

It was a Nissan)