Friday, August 14, 2020

And God Created Midges

And God created midges

I dreamt I went to heaven, and that’s by no means certain
I said  to God, now listen, I have a question
In all of your creation, so wondrous and rich
Why did you give Scotland the  evil of the  midge?
We could’ve had Koala bears or cockatoos
Elephants and pandas, meerkats or kangaroos
Is it that you hate us? I sometimes think you do
You made us play the bagpipes
And gave us those neighbours too

God said, oh Scotland
You are divinely blessed
Of all the countries I have made
I think that you’re the best
A few small imperfections
That’s the price you have to pay
You’re where I like to go on holiday

But I take your name in vain, I said
I scratch and itch
Due to Cullicoides impunctatus
The biting midge
I inhaled a swarm in Ullapool 
I spluttered and I coughed
And nearly poisoned myself
With Avon Skin So Soft
God said I will admit
The bagpipes were a joke
As for making men wear dresses
That was a masterstroke 
But divinity must be amused
And when I traverse the Cuillin Ridge
I enjoy infesting motorhomes with my favourite breeds of midge 

The midges keep the camper vans away
I will release a billion more today

No comments: