Referendum Songbook, final post. Wednesday: Classic Car (The Always Look Underneath Song)

This is the final song (number 17) in the Referendum Songbook which you can find in full if you're a glutton for punishment at referendumsongbook.blogspot.com.

It's by Scar Quilse, that renegade relation of mine, and will be his last posting. It finds him in reflective mood, I suppose. 

This is my own final post of the referendum campaign. I think I've said all I need to say. I don't believe many, at this stage, are still undecided, but to sum up my thoughts: 

I'm Scottish, British, European, and a proud resident of and enthusiast for Shetland. I believe in democracy for the whole of the UK, in justice for everyone from Unst to the Scilly Isles. I'm in favour of local empowerment in a Federal UK, and I'll be voting for a Labour Government at the next election, which is the country's main hope of that being delivered. I believe the Yes campaign has been based, noisily and committedly, on romance, deception and delusion. I believe Scottish nationalism has no moral content, and has hijacked its social justice agenda in a naked attempt at achieving power. I detest the way this campaign has divided the population of Scotland, and how the Yes campaign has descended into mobbing, flailing and aggression. 

I believe that independence would be a disaster for Scotland's NHS, for its economy, for its relationships with the rest of the world, for its soul.

I'm travelling for most of the 17th and 18th, so I won't be responding to comments on this blog. I have already voted 'no' by post. I urge you, if haven't already, to vote 'no'. For the sake of Scotland and the UK

Finally, to those of you who have threatened, insulted, demanded an end to my broadcasting career, promised that I would be deported or silenced in a 'new Scotland', abused my family and worse....what can I say?

 I'll buy you a pint sometime.

Classic Car (The Always Look Underneath Song)

Always wanted an S type Jaguar

It’s wasn’t the old man’s favourite car

That was a Cortina 1600E to tell the truth

Olympic Gold, with Rostyle wheels and a black vinyl roof

But we travelled in old VX490s, Vivas

Drove to the Gospel Hall, we true believers

Where the preachers said the devil was a trickster

Who seduced us with Vauxhalls, with Crestas and Victors

A classic car

memory and pride

More than just a ride

A classic car

It’s the life you never had

Better than  your dad’s

A classic car

I bought a Wolseley, expecting it to smell

Like  I was 10, in a taxi to a Largs  hotel

But it reeked of damp and mildew, of fibreglass and rust

On the A80 in Moodiesburn, it finally bit the dust

You can’t go back, you can’t return

To when it didn’t matter how much fuel you burned

When smoking was good for your health

And you could let the babies sleep upon the parcel shelf

You can’t go back, maybe remembering is sweet

But history is what we learn so we don’t have to repeat

Build a useless border, sing some songs and raise a flag

Then from some wide-boy dealer, you buy a bodged-up deathtrap Jag

It looked great in the showroom, it filled your heart with pride

All your limousine ambitions that could not be denied

The deal is done, the trouble starts, you’re in a world of pain

And you realise that you can’t go back, you can’t go back home again

Copyright Scar Quilse 2014. All rights reserved.

Referendum Songbook, final week. Tuesday: Scottish Forever (The Disagreement Song)

I’m a Tunnocks Teacake, you’re salt and sauce

You like cowping your caber, I couldn’t give a toss

I’m in favour of the great salt and vinegar snog

You prefer to cuddle up with a Caramel Log

We share a love of the great Vindaloo

And a nan bread each, never one between two

I’m Lagavulin or Ardbeg, you’re Glenlivet or Grants

I wear breeks, you like a kilt with stout underpants

And we’ll be Scottish forever

Agreeing never

No matter where we go

Yes or No

I’ll have Loch Lomond, you can have Loch Ness

We’ll share the monster and the wallabies, that’s probably best

Tennents or McEwens, Belhaven or Deuchars

I’ll have porridge with salt, you can have yours with sugar

I’ll just say this, we disagree

It’s Yes for you and No for me

But that’s all right, I have no doubt

I’ll be fine once the stitches get taken out

I’m for pan fried scallops, you’re into Scampi Fries

I prefer the real thing, you prefer the lies

I’m not saying I’m right, I’m not saying you’re wrong

Actually, I am. I’ve been right all along

Words and music copyright Scar Quilse 2014. All rights reserved.

Referendum Songbook, final week - a song a day. Monday: Snake Handlers in Kirkintilloch (The Act of Faith Song)

Inspired by this video of a poor deluded soul in the USA whose act of faith led to death at the hands of a rattlesnake.



My daughter's gone to live in Milton Keynes
She says she knows what independence will mean
My son's in Wick, he says the country's a mess
But if it makes things worse he'll still vote yes

I've been feeling depressed for the last two years
It's like the 18th century is still happening here
Fighting over the fate of this wee nation
Like trans versus consubstantiation

Now there's a new church down the street from me
They say they worship a God who wants Scotland free
And to prove that God doesn't make mistakes
They like to sing happy songs and play with poisonous snakes

Snake handlers in Kirkintilloch
They believe in God and border controls
Snake handlers in Kirkintilloch
Where a bite from a Copperhead can save your soul

I saw a Black Mamba and a coastal Taipan
The preacher had one of each in either hand
He shouted I believe in everything Nicola said
Then the Mamba bit him and he dropped down dead

I bought a house on the River Tweed
It's got everything I could possibly need
The border runs right across the living room floor
My own United Kingdom when I shut the door

And if they insist on a wall and some razor wire
Between the television and the electric fire
I'll tell them exactly where they can go
I had my own referendum and I voted no

But now there are Snake handlers in Selkirk
They believe in God and border controls
Snake handlers in Selkirk
They say a bite from a Copperhead will save your soul

But they'll secretly admit they're going to vote No

Copyright Scar Quilse, words and music, 2014. All rights reserved

The Dundee Vegetarian (for Mike Ritchie)

I quite like fish, maybe you’re surprised

As long as I don’t have to look them in the eye

The thought of dead cow makes me hae a fit

Unless they’re ground up into tiny wee bits

Don’t think if I see a tree I hug it

I’m very partial to a chicken nugget

But no if it’s got feathers and a squawking beak

The very idea makes my knees go weak

I don’t eat red meat

But mince and tatties just cannae be beat

I’m no a contrarian

Just A Dundee vegetarian

I make exception for pies or pehs

I could eat an ingin in every single day

But what’s inside can be a mystery

As long as it comes with brown gravy

You say I’m a hypocrite, I don’t care 

I’m from Dundee things are different there

I like the animals in the Camperdown zoo

But I don't like the taste of a Whitfield Coo

I don’t eat red meat

But mince and tatties just cannae be beat

I’m no a contrarian

Just A Dundee vegetarian

Copyright Tom Morton 2014. All rights reserved

Referendum Songbook #14. Stay together (The Treachery Song)

Don't call me  a traitor
Because I love both north and south
You should do some thinking, son
Before you open your mouth

 I believe in democracy
That doesn't stop where you draw a line
In justice on the Forth, the Clyde
The Mersey, and the Tyne If we stay together
We can keep each other strong
So let's stand together
That's where we belong

 I never liked to gamble
Because I've seen what it can do
I believe in right and wrong
And I think that you do too

 In the times we're living in today
You can't hide behind a wall
A flag will never be enough
This world is much too small


Words and music copyright Scar Quilse 2014. All rights reserved.