Tuesday, July 26, 2022

Pilot show: Tom Morton's Bought, Begged and Stolen

This is the one-hour (well, 50 minutes) pilot for my new show, set to replace the Beatcroft Social from mid-August. The idea is simply that all the music is played from physical media - mostly vinyl and CD, but with the occasional cassette, shellac disc and reel-to-reel. 

It's not about the 'analogue quality so much as the fact that I chose to own - to keep - these tracks. I haven't trawled the infinite internet for downloads or streams. As such there are a few technical hiccups and fumbles. Forgive me. See what you think anyway. 

Playlist below or on facebook.com/tommorton.

 From Trembling Bells to Archie Fisher via Sam Fender and We Free Kings...

The Blue Nile   — I Love this Life

Monkees     —     What Are You Doing Hanging Around

Michael Marra and the Hazey Janes — Heaven’s Hound

Clive Palmer — Banjoland

Love and Money — Cheeseburger

Ray Charles  — No Letter Today

Trembling Bells — Big Nothing/Knocking on the Coffin

Tom Waits and Crystal Gayle — Take Me Home

Sam Fender — Hypersonic Missiles

AndyPratt — Resolution

Ray and Archie Fisher - Glasgow Street Songs

We Free Kings — Love is in the Air







Tuesday, April 19, 2022

Means tests, stigma, hating Thought for the Day, and physical comedy during the Sermon on the Mount

“It’s 10 to eight; time now for Thought for the Day…”

ALEXA! OFF!

I detest the patronising, often glutinous, stale religious croissant that is Thought for the Day on BBC Radio Four’s otherwise unmissable Today Programme. As smartspeakers proliferate, there will eventually come a time when, at 7.50am, the great collective British shout of ALEXA! OFF (or Google, or Big Facebook Ellon Musk Brother) will cause a minor earthquake, even in Langham Place, London.

Anyway, you don’t have to listen to the following homily. Or read it. But it does contain a bit of the 1611 Bible. You have been warned.

Ah'm no the factor nor the gasman

Napoleon nor Ronald Coleman

When ye hear me rat-tat-tat upon the door

"Have you money in the bank or money in the store?"

Ye'd better look oot or else ah'll get ye

Try and dodge me if ye can,

For ah'm neither Santa Claus nor Douglas  Fairbanks

I am the Means Test man…

Money. Money in the bank, money in the pocket. Money that comes in monthly and goes out daily. Money for food, heat, lighting, cooking. Money for internet, TV, buses, cars, clothes. Money in the hand. How much do you have? Not enough to keep warm or feed the kids or yourself?

There is help available, but you have to ask for it. You have to identify yourself as in need. And then people come and check that you really need it. Or really, really need it. They test your means. 

Could there be anything more humiliating? Maybe queuing in front of your neighbours for a foodbank. Or I heard about a well-meaning Edinburgh lady who was in the habit of buying bags of groceries for neighbours she thought deserved help and hanging them from their front door handles. Prominently.

Means testing has been a feature of social benefits since they were introduced, and sometimes it was administered with grim, exhibitionist brutality. Humiliation was the price you paid. Of course, it’s understandable that only those who need help should get it, and there were - and are - inevitably those who seek to exploit the system for their own benefit when they don’t deserve it.

Nowadays it may be done with relative discretion but everything from Universal Credit to care home eligibility before death is means-tested, often by the provision of proof that you’re in receipt of some other aid, but sometimes by more intrusive methods. The state pension is not, just as long as you’ve paid your national insurance for long enough. As I have discovered, now being over 66 and in receipt of my monthly £817.44. And very welcome, after a lifetime of freelance scrabbling, it is too.

Now we are facing a cost of living crisis, fuelled by huge rises in energy prices, Brexit, food cost inflation, COVID-19, and worse to come.

The island community I live in has for decades been extremely wealthy, with almost full employment and an oil-rich Council, with its affiliated trusts, providing services and infrastructure second to none in Scotland. 

Now, however, in these troubled times, some residents are facing hunger, cold, the inability to feed family members or afford transport to and from work or shopping. And this is a proud community where admitting vulnerability or poverty is difficult. It is also a caring community where people tend to look out for one another. But there is, and will be for some time to come, a need for public bodies to help those, often those in work, with the provision of food, energy, and services they find themselves unable to afford.

Charitable organisations are already delivering this kind of help, and they do it in ways that endeavour to be accessible, open and stigma-free. Lunch clubs, free transport and the like are readily valuable. And there is more charities and other organisations could do. Could the Shetland Charitable Trust, which administers the isle’s oil compensation funds, reinstate the annual pensioners’ Christmas bonus, which was once paid automatically to all residents over pensionable age? Should the Shetland Community Benefit Fund, which administers compensation from the isles’ industrial windfarms, change its position on paying out only to organisations and find a way of supporting individual and families in need? Our local community development group, NCDC, spent some of the profits it gains from the hugely successful Polycrub on a ‘bonus’ last year for all Northmavine residents as a post-lockdown measure. 

What about the practicalities? Because although this is a caring and close society, that brings problems with confidentiality. Are there essentially invisible ways for public bodies to help, without the risk of stigma, blame, gossip and bullying, particularly of children?

Pre-pay electricity cards can already be subsidised using fuel vouchers. Could account cards for local shops be issued to all local residents, with those in particular need able to access additional discounts? Or maybe there should simply be temporary grants or discounts for all pensioners and all families with children under, 16? Child benefit obviously continues to exist, with clawback in tax from those with higher incomes, but I’m talking about extra measures to deal with the crisis we’re facing now.

I heard of a church in Edinburgh that simply put out baskets of food and essential goods along its wall every morning, for anyone to help themselves to. Sure, some abused the system. But not many. Maybe we have to be indiscriminate in our generosity.

I’m not in the habit these days of quoting the Bible, but I’ve always liked some of Jesus’ visual jokes. And you can imagine the Lee-Evans-like physical contortions that accompanied this vignette from the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew chapter six; this is in the King James Version, the only translation worth memorising):

Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth. That thine alms may be in secret…

ALEXA!

It was 90 years ago…protests against the Means Test Act in 1932. the other cartoons are from the 1930s, courtesy of the University of Kent’s British Cartoon Archive.

Thursday, March 17, 2022

New Substack newsletter - free to view

My new free-to-read Substack newsletter. Clown bikes and the risk of weight-related comedic collapses...https://tommorton.substack.com/p/unleash-the-comedy-bicycle #bromptonlife #bromptonbicycle

Friday, March 11, 2022

The Beatcroft Social as heard on 60 North Radio on 11 March.

Full playlist and link to the Mixcloud stream follows.

Monkees — Me and Magdalena
Monkees — Salesman
Sandy Denny — Who Knows Where the Time Goes?
David Bowie — Can’t Help Thinking About Me
Tori Amos — Winter
East End Friend — Shine
Sakert! — Allting Flyter
Rozi Plain — See My Boat
Richard Dawson — The Almsgiver
Martin Stephenson and the Daintees — We Are Storm
Kevin Coyne — Marlene
Red Guitars — Steeltown
Claire Lynch — All the Diamonds
Bruce Cockburn — Isn’t That what Friends Are For
RL Burnside— Shake ‘Em On Down
Paul Weller — The Soul Searchers
Joni Mitchell — A Case of You
The Black Crowes — Jealous Again
Kurt Vile — Like Exploding Stones
George Harrison — Isn’t It A Pity?
Jackson C Frank — Blues Run the Game
Nick Drake — Northern Sky
Paul Brady — Arthur McBride
Nick Lowe — Mama Said
Bruce Cockburn — Easter


Friday, March 04, 2022

The Beatcroft Social from 60 North Radio, as broadcast 4 March 2022

The Beatcroft Social from 4 March is streaming now on Mixcloud and also at the 60 North Radio Archive. Link at bottom of playlist.


Marvin Gaye — What’s Going On

Mary Gauthier — Mercy Now

Graham Parker — One Guitar

Willie Nile — Vagabond Moon

Elvis Costello — Brilliant Disguise

Patti Griffin — Stolen Car

Mystic Knights of the Sea — Johnny 99

Shawn Colvin — Tougher than the Rest

Bruce Springsteen — Adam Raised a Cain

Patti Scialfa — Spanish Dancer

Nils Lofgren — Man at the Top

Kid Canaveral — Low Winter Sun

Hook and Pull Gang — Pour It Down Your Throat

Stella’s Baby — Port of Amsterdam

Tom Waits — Bottom of the World

Just the Job — Fears of the Years

Jackson Browne — For a Dancer

The National — Bloodbuzz Ohio

Wet Leg — Angelica

Hamish Hawk — Bakerloo, Unbecoming

Nick Lowe — What’s so funny about Peace Love and Understanding

Lucinda Williams — Sweet Old World

Tom Paxton — Peace Will Come

Shelby Lynne, Alison Moorer — Not Dark Yet

Bob Marley — One Love/People Get Ready

https://www.mixcloud.com/tom-morton2/the-beatcroft-social-from-60-north-radio-4-march-2022/