 |
| You're nicked, pal. |
...Perez and Tosh are The Krankies. I am now unable to get the thought out of my mind. Also, was it really fair to put a trail for Line of Duty, one of the most potent pieces of drama on TV, just before one of the Krankiest? And with Fleabag's soul-ravaging brilliance still fresh in the memory? Not to mention the fact that Derry Girls starts in 15 minutes.
 |
| Hoy Jeemy! Huv ye read the new Ian Rankin? |
Onwards! Droneshot. Drones. I hate drones. Bring back helicopters and Jimmy Jibs. Bad beardy man and trafficked women (that makes three major series with the same plotline, roughly - Trapped, Baptiste and this. Concentrate! A cage has been rattled and Cassie's being targetted by Evil Weegies so she's back home. Have you seen Taken, Cassie? It would appear nobody involved with this save the scriptwriter has. Liam Neeson. He's awfy tall. Here's Jeemy's much younger assistant. He's old enough to be a proper cop, despite the braces and short trousers.
Sandy's still not suspended.
Look, a blackboard with big photographs and chalk arrows connecting up the main suspects! Thus must be a murder inquiry! Somewhere they can't afford modern stuff, like felt pens and a whiteboard. Och, back to Burra. Calum's wife doesn't know anything. "Morag, it's important." She's no' helping "I think somebody's got to her. Watch her house!"
Sandy thinks he's a scapegoat. Never mind, there seems to be an unlimited supply of detectives on Shetland, and Cassie's got a baby one to herself back at the Lodberries. Sandy's calling his union rep. Carla was working for Benson, probably. Does anyone care? The Krankies are off on a trip to talk to Carla's son. He knows nothing. Oh wait, he knows Benson - his mum's pal. They saw each other a couple of weeks ago. Just good friends though. Like Jeemy and Alice. And suddenly we have wee Rosie with Jamie. She's the former caravanner/prostitute, he's the brother of Evil Prentis and son of Cassie, I mean Carrie. No, Carla. She has nowhere else to go. Damn, Derry Girls has started. It's on catch-up.
Olivia is still smoking those Capstan Full Strength. Jeemy's upset. Alice turns up with wallpapering husband in tow. Embarrassing encounter ensues. Back to Morag, who was warned, an evil female voice declaims on the phone. Cassie wants to know about Jeemy's reading habits. Suggests Love in the time of Cholera is better than The Broons. What's going on with you and Alice? Nothing worth talking about. Morag waits to get murdered in the dark. It's OK, though she'd going to keep her self occupied with some DIY. Somebody's trying to set fire to her house. Och, the hammer'll come in handy. A domestic tool in the first act is always involved in repairs later.
Jeemy arrives. "What's happened?" In a flash his lightning mind appraises the situation. "The house has been on fire. Someone petrol bombed it." That explains the smoke, fire and burn marks. Either that or an Up Helly Aa procession got out of hand.
The two lasses are still being prisoners, despite the fact that by now about 30 pairs of neighbourly binoculars are trained on the house they're held in. Morag's in a council house organised by Alice. Cassie tells her minder to go and help his wee sister, she'll be fine. No she won't. Here's Benson. He's an acquaintance of her dad's. Cassie's generation works too hard, he says. Does she know his daughter Ellie, who lives in Ruthven Street? Funnily enough...
Morag was threatened by a woman with a Glaswegian accent. That could be anyone on Shetland, where everyone has a Glaswegian accent except Sandy. Calum was forced to dump Daniel's body at sea. This had a traumatic effect on him, for some reason.
Sandy's still not suspended.
Marine Scotland have closed down their fish processing plant! They're scaling down their operation! Billy, find me Graham Benson. Donnie fancies Tosh, but we knew that.
Benson wanted to see Duncan, not Jeemy. "See whatever it is you're up to. I hope for your sake it's legal." Fortunately for Jeemy, adultery isn't a criminal offence. Alice. A kiss is more than just a kiss. It's a bloody mess. She can't stop thinking about Jeemy. What if she left Chris? Does she still love him? She doesn't know. Go and figure it out and let me know, says Jeemy. Chris and Duncan wander in and catch them not smooching though in a suspiciously soulful way. Ciabatta is served. The long night of Italian food begins.
Sandy's still not suspended.
McGuire is cooking Pasta Puttenesca for the two lassies he's holding prisoner. Lemony Snicket. There's beer. Tosh finds Donnie, living in what looks like Ayr. She has pizza and wine. A series of unfortunate events. Duncan tells Jeemy "there's no profit in womanising; you just end up on your own with everybody hating you." He doesn't know Benson, he claims. But then, he's pished. And asleep, unlike McGuire who's raging along with Guns and Roses while the girls plot their escape. Hard blonde Weegie woman arrives and has them locked up again. Everybody in Shetland knows where they are. Except the cops. They don't have binoculars.
Donnie is making breakfast while wearing a snorkel and singing along with Runrig. "Dinna diss the Rig" The first time that phrase has ever been spoken in the history of the world.
Sandy's still not suspended.
 |
| Fancy a gemme o' rounders? |
Blonde woman is Mrs Doyle. Tea, Father? No, a can of petrol on CCD will do nicely. Her rented flat has sinister music and pink rubber gloves. And a drawing of a butterfly. And, jings, there's Mrs Doyle. Cut her off Tosh! She's getting away! She's in the `Malakoff with a big huge stick. This reminds me of a Peerie Willie Johnson story I can't tell you here. That's no stick, It's a metal bar. Jeemy's no feart: "Tosh, gait her." She's goat. There's a petrol can and rags in the boot of her car. Jamie is kidnapped by Oliva in a most, ahem, realistic fashion.
Meanwhile, Nikki's dead. Jamie's with Olivia. She's insisting on chips from Frankie's in Brae. He wants to go to the Happy Haddock.
Sandy still hasn't been suspended.
No comments:
Post a Comment